🔗 Share this article This Floating Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the Television Disappointments of the Past Year. As we consider the TV offerings of the recent year, a selection of series emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote. The 'Sex and the City' Sequel Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with woeful scripts, painful arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the third season began, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then came an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final season. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too on-the-nose. Yet, viewers certainly found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob? The Kim Kardashian Drama ‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’ But that was almost the least of this show's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon zero star assessment, it was difficult to know where to begin enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of affluence and materialism? The almost wilful procession of tropes? Acting so poor they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to. The Charlie Sheen Documentary Considering the legal troubles, domestic violence claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but dismissive egotist. The Iris Affair Of course we knew it was ridiculous from the get-go: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost. MobLand Dodgy characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back. Actually, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which felt a bit basic. The Meghan Markle Series Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh. The Beckham Documentary There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Rather, the experience was akin to reading a sales catalogue. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series. The Game Show It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it. Too Much How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable. Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping Not good enough to be ‘patchy’. Given the smart inclusion of gifted emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer. The Knox Dramatisation This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from strangely breezy, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so. The Maths Genius Thriller We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers. 1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story This hagiography followed the content creator notorious for explicit exploits as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.